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03 December 2006 @ 12:14 am
OOC: Basically this is just a short little thing to get it off /my/ chest and so that I can get to actually doing one of the four essays I have due by Monday after the coming one. I figure, it'll kill two stones this way: I'll get a post done on here, and I'll get into writing enough to hopefully carry it over into something productive. Anyway, I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but it's not anywhere far...no, I will NOT be skipping ahead a week...or I will, maybe. Oh gods, let's just do this and shut me up...


Off My Chest AKA 'Beautifully Statuesque'
Squall's PoV
(Actually, I will skip...three days. For no apparent reason.)

"Dear gods, kill me now."

I turn my head ever so slightly to watch Zell wrestle with some form of crustacean over his shirt. The blond had been out swimming---or "fishing", if you want his version of it---when some mutant-looking crab made a break from a crack in a rocky crag about twenty feet from and eight feet below the run down alcove Zell and I are calling home and claimed the black and red material as his own. Needless to say, Zell swam back to shore faster than you can say "Hotdogs are ready!" and was trying, vainly, to take back his shirt.

"Give it back, you little crustacean prick." He sighed, relaxing his grip until the crab tried to make a break for it. Zell grunted and held fast. "Fuck off, crab. You're embarassing me...gods, kill me now. I can take out Ultimecia, but a fuckin' CRAB outshines me? Dude, what the fuck?"

I laugh and turn away quickly as the blond shoots me a death glare as he tugs again.

"GIVE IT BACK! I need that to live!"

I raise an eyebrow, looking back as Zell tries to kick at the creature with his left foot, although the crab is still about two feet too far away and he only succeeds in throwing himself of balance and the crustacean makes his move and scuttles backward, and Zell finds himself on his ass with the creature making off towards the broken stones of its home.

I sigh, stand, and walk over and step on the shirt as the crab stops short suddenly, surprised that its prize is caught on something. It looks up at me, a cruel smile on my lips, my head turned just so in that "you want something?" way. The crab, shocked to hell, abandons its prize and scuttles off to the crack in the stone, never looking back. I kneal and collect the offending item and throw it over my shoulder, holding on to it with my right hand.

I turn and walk over to the defeated looking Zell lying in the ash-white sand, looking ever like a scorned child, pouting and glaring at the grains that cling to his soaked skin. He looks up at me petulantly.

"Stupid crab."

A grin splits the fake-serious facade of my face. I swing the shirt off my shoulder and smack him with it in the face before letting it fall on his chest.

"I couldda gotten it back myself you know. I was about to Dolphin Blow its ass."

"I'm sure."

"You mockin' me, Blue?"

I smile despite myself before retrieving that previously discarded facade of seriousness. "Never. I just figured I'd play the chivalrous knight to your damsel in distress."

His eyes bulged and he opened his mouth, closed it without making a sound, and opening it again. "I'm not a fuckin' damsel, you ass."

I laugh as he seethes. He pulls himself up and returns to the water to wash off the sand from his chest and back, shirt clutched tightly in hand to avoid a round two with the offending crustacean or any of its other mutant buddies.

He finishes splashing off as much sand as possible and tugs the crumpled, sand-covered shirt and turns accusingly.

"That friggen crab tried to take the shirt off my chest."

I raise an eyebrow. "Uh...I'm pretty sure the shirt was MIA from your body...and it's shirt off my back..."

The glare he sends my way only increases in strength, bringing to mind 'if looks could kill, we'd have a massacre on our hands'.

"Be glad you're so fucking hot and the only non-crustacean living thing on the entire continent, or I'd dump your ass faster than you can say "Adel is beautifully statuesque, not a scary manly giant". Also, that crab will not be counted in the 'living things on this entire continent' for much longer, if I have anything to say about it."

I bit my lip and sent him a confused look. "'Adel is beautifully statuesque'...?"

"Shut up." And then he learned forward and kissed me, his lips soft and vaguely salty, yet still with the unmistakable tang of cherry chapstick. He breaks away, grinning.

I maintain eye contact, staring into the blue-green pools of his eyes. "I know someone else who's beautifully statesque, in a short, pygmy-esque way."

The glare returned quickly, as did the shocked, gasping fish routine of his opening and closing mouth. "I'M NOT A PYGMY!"

I shrug. "Who said I was talking about you?"

Again with the dying fish routine. "But..."

"Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you, we met last night on the other side of the stream, Bob is such an awesome lover..."


"My gods, what that boy lacks in height he makes up...elsewhere, if you know what I mean.."


"And man, that guy has the libido of a rabbit. Might as well have had junctioned the physical manifestation of lust or something. Damn, it was incredible."

"Fucking slow down for a minute..." Zell's face contorted in thought. "Hey, wait a second, Bob was the name of our imaginary friend when we were four, you ass."

"Hm, you remembered." I shrugged. "What can I say, I like my men mythical and imaginary...like Hyne, only less 'lets kill all the children' and hotter."

Now it was his turn to raise an eyebrow, blond hairs arching towards the wet strands of his bangs. "Dude, I thought I was weird, but damn...fantasizing about Hyne? That's some twisted shit man...I dunno..."

I laugh and tackle him into the sand. "What can I say, I had to get that off my chest." As I pin him to the ground as he struggles against me.

"Well, if you could get off MY chest, maybe I can see about granting your wish for a mythical, imaginary lover."

Another smile. "Bob...?"

He shoved me off him and then pounced on me, pinning me beneath all 5 feet five inches of blond god. "No you prick, me."

I raise an eyebrow. "But you got your ass handed to you by palm-sized aquatic life, hardly mythical, except maybe in an ironic or pathetic sense."

"Fuck you, that crab was at least as big as Selphie's hair, and had even more spunk that Selph and her hair put together." He paused. "And I'm not pathetic, I told you, I was about to send that crustacean back to the prehistoric age. And one more thing---"

I laugh and lift my head to capture his lips with my own, silencing the ranting blond. He quickly responds to my ploys, and I finally break away, as he moans and squeaks a rebuke.

"I think you've gotten enough off your chest."

And with that,I drag him back to the safety of our humble abode to make up for the last half-hour's taunting. After all, Zell needs something to make up for getting beat down by a crab. And every valiant knight deserves his reward...

Longer that I thought, but it's pretty good, so I'll leave it as is. Expect more around Christmas, since I REALLY need to focus on school...now. *waits to see if it works* Ok, so...essay, here I come...? *hopeful* ...hope you enjoyed!
03 December 2006 @ 11:21 am
Vincent stared down at the girl, rubbing her shoulders in order to warm her. He didn't return the smile.

"I'm fine. But I wont be if you go and get yourself killed." He sighed, sitting up on the side of the couch as he placed a hand to her heated forhead.

"You should have stayed with Reno."

Ashe bit her lip, not liking being told off. It reminded her of when she'd been a child and her father had scolded her for the tiniest things.

"Sorry," she mumbled, eyes clouding.

He smoothed back her hair, again looking her over with concern. Satisfied that she wasn't harmed, other then sick, he shrugged, and moved to rub her legs.

"Can you feel this?"

"Only a little," replied Ashe. Vincent's touch felt miles away although he was right beside her.

He turned on the water, looking only mildly relieved as he discovered it still worked, and produced warm water. Kneeling next to her, he looked her over, and rested a hand on his shoulder.

"Uhm," Looking mildly uncomfortable, he shifted. "We have to warm you up. Before you become hypothermic..."

Ashe stared at the bathtub which was filling up with water. Under normal circumstances she would have blushed furiously but now she felt almost lethargic.

"Vincent," she said more clearly this time, "just put me in there with my clothes, and I can do the rest."

He made a face, "If your clothes get they'll suck the heat out of your body, and I dont know if I can -find- anymore dry clothes."

Vincent stood, and turned off the water touching the top with his fingers. He sighed, and turned, looking at her. "And I'm not leaving you to be in a bathtub by yourself. You might pass out."

If Ashe could have made herself shrink into a corner she would have gladly, but her legs just weren't obeying her. Slow, she began taking the jacket from her around. Whether her arms were shaking from the cold or from the situation, she didn't know.

The man knelt beside her, and reached to help, "Don't waste your energy."

He looked at her face, appologetically, and gently helped her out of her clothes. Quickly, he scooped her up again, set her in the tub wordlessly, and sat on the floor, his back to the tub. If Ashe had -any- partial view of his face, she would notice it to be as crimson as the cloak he had been wearing when they had first met. He pulled one leg up, resting his arm on it, "Sorry."

Ashe shivered, even in the warm water, and began rubbing her legs, trying not to avert her eyes to Vincent. She was so glad he wasn't as peverted as other people she could have though of, and that he cared, even a little, about her.

"Thankyou," she said, and placed her hand on his shoulder for a moment.

Vincent looked over at her hand, and shrugged, looking back at the bathroom door. "I'm not going to let you die."

"I had thoughts like that in my mind when I went to look for you," laughed Ashe softly. "Look at who's in trouble now though. This happened to me when I was trying to liberate my country too ..."

"Mm," the man answered, bowing his head as he reached to finger a fray in the edge of his pants.

Ashe touched her legs again, trying to will the warmth to come back. The colour was slowly coming back into them.

"Reno must be worried," she said at last. "I think you should go check on him. I'll be fine."

Vincent grunted, "I told you I'm not going anywhere."

Ashe was at a loss for words. She somehow felt Vincent was obliged to go and help his other friend too, but he was staying here. Besides, she was sure she could almost stand up.

"Can I have a towel, please?" she asked, crouching.

He reached up, grabbing a towel, and held it back to her, still not turning his head to look at her.

"Feel better?"

"Yes," she replied, wrapping the scratchy cloth around her once she'd stood up. Part of her legs still felt funny though, and she was afraid to move. She reached over to the railing on the other side and gingerly stepped over the edge of the bath.

Vincent, in his usual unnoticed way, was standing, and held out his clawed hand for her to take, his other hand moving to the small of her back.

Ashe almost jumped at the touch on her back, but let his hand stay there as she got out of the bath. She felt so awkward, looking at his face, because it was so emotionless yet beautifully sculpted.

"What?" He raised an eyebrow, wondering why she kept staring at him. Was something on his face? Was she delirious from the cold....?

He prayed it wasn't something on his face.

"You're handsome, did you know that?" she asked, unabashed.

Vincent blinked red eyes confusedly, and reached up to touch her forehead, checking for a fever. Yeah, it was still there. He looked back down at her, and shrugged, "If you say so."

Ashe continued, "You probably think I'm delirious now - good, you can think that."

Then she stood on her toes and placed a kiss on his mouth.

He blinked.

She was kissing him. He blinked again, and then let his eyes slipped closed, allowing this. His hand still rested on the small of her back, and he squeezed slightly before pulling out of the kiss. He looked over her face, and reached up to smooth back her hair before stepping out of the door.

"Get dressed."

Ashe couldn't help giving a small laugh at his slightly confused attitude.

"Yes sir," she called and dressed.


Vincent pushed open the door to the original house they had all been staying in, ushering Ashe to go in ahead of him.

"You're back!" said Reno, surprised.

"You think we weren't coming?" asked Ashe.

Reno's eyes flickered from Vincent to the woman, and a funny look crossed his face.

Vincent arched his brow at him, and then narrowed his eyes, "You let her go out in the cold Reno."

"She ran away," said Reno defensively. "I went upstairs and told her to stay!! And what took YOU so long?"

"I," Vincent closed the door behind them, "Was busy keeping her from going hypothermic."

He arched his brow again, "Is it really hard to keep a sick girl in bed? How can I count on you to keep her safe if you wont chase her down for her own well being?"

"You were supposed to be searching for medicine," Reno continued, pretending he wasn't to blame. "And this particular girl IS hard to keep in her bed. She was so worried about you, Vincent."

Ashe blushed and busied herself with making tea.

"Yes, she told me," He crossed his arms, giving Reno a flat look, "And you know I'm worried about her."

"Well I was worried too," snapped Reno, "for both of you. You two only worry about each other."

Vincent reached over and cuffed him, "How far do we go back Reno?"

"I don't remember," lied Reno huffily.

"I know your abilities, and I know you can take care of yourself. I trust you to take care of Ashe." He sighed, rolling his eyes as he turned to go up the stairs, "You, know, I worry about you. But I know I can trust you not to be entirely stupid."

After disappearing up the stairs, he could be heard rummaging, clearly in search of something or other.

"What happened between you two?" Reno asked Ashe eventually.

"He gave me a bath," came the faint reply.
01 December 2006 @ 09:53 pm
Vincent crouched down in the snow, clawed hand scraping up a hunk of it. He contemplated the horizon with red eyes, contemplatively. It was likely, that Sephiroth would indeed be in the crater. But. If he was wrong...

Ashe would currently be suffering for nothing. That was something he didn't like. He sighed, "Yet another sin..."

Ashe walked through the snow, ploughing on. She had to make sure Vincent was alright even if she wasn't. She felt as though he had to survive, somehow, even if it cost her ...

"Where are you?" she whispered.

The man stood after several seconds, and turned back to the town. He frowned, blinking. Was something in...

He noticed a small form pushing just above the snow, and stepped towards it slowly. He grabbed his weapon carefully, striaghtening

Ashe coughed, feeling blinded by the whiteness of the snow. It was so pure ... and she was just sullying it. Finally she fell to her knees, coughing as she felt a bubble rising in her chest

The vision left his sight, and he moved forward carefully, eyes narrowed at the snow. Growing closer, he paused, then ran forward, wrapping an arm around Ashe's shoulders, "Ashe!"

"You're here?" asked Ashe, looking up. She coughed into his jacket. "Why did you go out?"

"I should ask you that," Vincent retored quickly, and scooped her into his arms. Turning to the closest building, he pushed in, and kicked the door closed, "The last thing you need, is to be out in the cold Ashe."

"I'm sorry," she gasped, the air failing to reach her lungs. "I was just ..."

Then she realised how lame and desperate she was, chasing after him. She held her tears back.

He quickly removed his outer layer of clothing after laying her on a couch, and wrapped it around her for warmth. "Being foolish." He smoothed back her hair, looking her over, worry evident in his eyes.

"What were you thinking?"

"I wanted to make sure you were okay," she replied, closing her eyes for a moment. She felt so sick, yet it comforted her just to be near him. She gently exhaled, the feeling in her limbs beginning to come back.

She observed the contours of his face, hair, and the arch of his neck for a moment, before giving a small smile.
30 November 2006 @ 10:50 pm
Groaning, Ashe turned around in her bed. The sheets were mussed and damp from her sweat. She realised the blizzard was over now.

A lot of time's passed, she suddenly realised and smoothed the skin around her eyes. She couldn't tell whether it was twilight or dawn, but the sky was a murky colour.

She took in a huge breath and heaved herself out of bed. Her limbs were fuzzy, like everything else, but a hot showed helped solve that. She found warmer clothes than her previous ones and trudged downstairs, holding the hand rail. It was dark-ish, and she tripped over on Reno who was sleeping on the stairs. Both woman and man tumbled down, Ashe hitting her chin on the floor whilst her foot was on Reno's shoulder.

"What the fuck?" asked the redhead, before he realised it was her. "Oh Hyne, I thought it was an intruder.

"I don't think there's anyone here for miles," muttered Ashe, teeth chattering. She sat up and rubbed her chin gingerly, trying to discern shapes in the dark. "Where's Vincent?"

At her question she noticed the man stiffened slightly and turned his head away.

"Want some tea?" he asked.

"Answer me," cried Ashe. "You didn't ... you ..."

"No," snapped Reno, looking hurt. "He went outside but he hasn't been back for hours."

"Why?" asked Ashe, perplexed. "He needs rest!"

"More like YOU need rest," retorted Reno. "You've got a fever, young lady, and your honey's gonna be worried if you're out of bed."

"But, he's outside, in the SNOW!" yelled Ashe, almost hysterically. "He'll get hypothermia because none of us have the proper equipment for -"

"If you don't shut up I'll kiss you again," threatened Reno.

Ashe shut her mouth and lugged herself to the sofa, curling up whilst Reno busied himself with making them cups of hot tea. She gratefully took her mug and took as many sips as she could without burning her tongue. The world felt funny around her, somewhat vague and blurry as though her eyes were unfocused. Several times Reno caught her mug just in time before it fell out of her hands.

"You're definitely not well," he muttered.

Ashe sighed. "I lived in a desert country all my life. I love hot weather. Cold and I don't mix when it comes to my health."

"There there." Reno put her cup on the table and made her lie down again.

"I don't want to," protested Ashe.

"Yes you do," Reno soothed her. "Now look, I'm going to look for blankets, okay? Just stay here and try to lie back. The patient needs care."

Ashe closed her eyes, the cogs of her brain working at last. She heard his footsteps fade upstairs and quickly stood up. A bout of dizziness got her and she clutched her forehead, wincing, before shuffling to the door and opening it.

"I'm going to find you," she whispered and closed it behind her, stepping out into the cold. "And then ... I can tell you ..."

The wind drove away her last words.

((OOC: Yes, Ashe is an obsessed freak. I really want to move the story ahead, somehow ... Rach, you and I are gonna have an Ashe/Vinny post to do soon.))
Current Mood: giddygiddy
Current Music: Bones - The Killers
06 October 2006 @ 10:58 pm
WARNING: Some material may be found offensive by some people. Please do not read if you find yaoi distasteful, or if you are under 13, et cetera. 

OOC: This will be the last thing I write as a teenager. It is 6:23AM as I write this note, and at exactly 11:22AM, just less than 5 hours, I turn twenty. Which is disturbing. I’m old. Anyway, to further digress, I was originally going to write something involving the two principal characters of my teenagehood (although not my first characters by any means), Damien and Devas, but I couldn’t really come up with anything interesting to have them randomly do. Then I was going to focus on Edan and Chris is a potential excerpt from Broken Voices, a novel I’m attempting to work on, but it would have taken way more time than I can spare, and also they’re pretty much my newest characters, and this last writing of teenagehood is meant to be a tribute to that. And then, finally, I decided that I would write something Squell-centric. Mostly cuz I woke up at 4AM and knew I wasn’t getting back to sleep before 9, and also because RPing as Squall and Zell has been one of the bigger and best parts of my writing for the last four or five years. Not quite my entire teenage life, but considering at thirteen I only had one horrible, extremely over-the-top series idea and some hundred some characters, most of them based on me and my friends at the time, with a few unique main characters (this was the origin of Alisha, Melanie, Damien, and finally, Devas [as the ultimate evil...insert laugh here] and also some other not-so-important characters...and the basic origin of my massive ass idea involving the Children of Fate...but to avoid brain damage, I’ll leave it at that), and the only idea I could come up with based on that was a really horrible excerpt-esque deal involving the four above-named characters facing some apocalypse, and it just seemed...lame. So, here I am, writing this long-awaited (or at least long-waited) addition to the story of Squall and Zell in Crimson Skies. And since wasting any more time writing this note will severely lessen the chances of me finishing this post before 9:30 when I have to get ready to leave for classes, and I will NOT be continuing this post after 11:22 (warning: it may end abruptly, I’ll just pick up in a separate post either later tonight or, more likely, sometime tomorrow.) Oh, for reference, this is being written to The Open Door CD by Evanescence. Lots of really good songs. Quite taken by the first track at the moment, Sweet Sacrifice. Oh, and also Thirty Seconds From Mars's title CD, also much love there. Anyways, just so you know. And so, without further adieu, I bring you the last literary effort before the end of childhood. Unrest.


Unrest > Squall > Forgotten City (F-4..?)

A chaste kiss, brief contact between our lips. It’s not enough. Nowhere near it. He pulls away slowly, blond bangs falling across his face in wet shards, crystalline blue eyes with the faintest hint of sea green slowly peek between half-closed lids. He bites at the lower lip, tasting me there. Scarlet hue overtakes the tanned colour in his cheeks, a deep blush, and his eyes look away briefly, a look of innocence. A look of lust.

“Squall, I—”

His words are cut short as I wrap my arm around him, arm across the shoulder, hand pulling at the material of the back of his T-shirt. I pull him close and all conscious thought on both our parts are cut off as I press my lips hard against him, tasting the cherry chapstick on his mouth and feeling an intense heat overcome me. His warm breath on my cheek, his hands reaching, one awkwardly feeling my back through the thin material of my shirt, the other playing across my neck, moving the thumb across the underside of my cheek, the fingers splayed, searching my face, the heat of his questing
hand finding a cheek, an earlobe, a nose, eyelid, the edge of a lip.

My hands explore him while our mouths merge, feeling his tongue against my teeth and open and allow him into me, tongues battling. The one hand stays clutched at his back, full of T-shirt, the other slides down his side, across the muscles in his arm, across the taut perfection of his chest, drifting off to briefly touch washboard abs, then drift back to the side and grab at the jean material of his upper leg.

Something between us cracks, all inhibition gone, and we become a tangle of limbs, searching mouths, driven by lust, by need. Too long has this passion been put off. Now, it consumes us both, willing players in this scene from some D-grade romance novel Rinoa would read. Even this thought, of her, fails to stifle the passion of the moment. She is gone, and while I loved her, briefly, as a sister, Zell and I are both still here. And I refuse, somewhere deep down, to break this moment together.

It may be our last.

My legs give out and we fall to the ground, a soft, ancient looking blanket salvaged earlier from the city’s ruins breaking our fall. I force a leg between his, increase the intensity of our kiss, and allow
my hands free roam of his body. He moans as I break the kiss and slowly move my mouth downwards, kissing the hollow of his neck, and his whole body arches underneath me and he lets out a guttural moan that causes his Adam’s apple to quiver appealingly, and I attack it, tongue tasting the pure, rich essence of the boy beneath me. He groans again as my hands lock over his wrists, holding him down. I return my lips to his own and take another taste, and release his arms and ease up on him. I break the kiss.

“Oh Goddess, Squall...”

“Shhh...we’re only getting started.”

With that, my hands reach for the loose material at the base of Zell’s T-shirt and I tug in away from me, allow him to arch his back to allow me to pull the garment off him as he finally realizes what I’m trying to do. The collar briefly catches on his chin, but I tug it free, pulling it over his head, off his arms. Blond hair falls at new angles, dryer than before, splitting into strands, over the wet locks his blond mane had previously been, stuck against his forehead.

I drink in the scene beneath me. In only jeans and a pair of black socks, shoes kicked off shortly after our fall, lay the blond Adonis I had wanted for the last four years. Flat, washboard stomach, well-defined chest, lithely muscled arms, all a well-tanned golden colour, A light dusting of hair along his arms, a slightly thicker patch of dark blond hairs beneath each arm; chest and stomach smooth. A tribal looking tattoo in dark purple, similar to that on his cheek, this one a rising sun, encircling his navel.

Perfection had a name, and it was Zell Dincht. Even Adonis would be given a run for the title of most
beautiful male in comparison to the boy I straddle beneath me.

I pin his arms again and press my lips against that shallow area of his throat, hear him moan my name, and continue southward, encircling the nub of his right nipple, let my tongue and teeth tease him and he moans even more, the flesh hardening. I let go of his arms and a hand immediately wraps in my hair, dark strands falling into my eyes. I shake my head enough to remove the wayward strands, and move my mouth to the left and continue my assault.

Beneath me, he quivers, and I move on, tongue sliding lazily across his taut chest, heaving heavily, down across tight abdominal muscles, tasting him. I dip my tongue into the indentation of his navel, and he squirms and pulls hard at the hair in his tight grasp, cursing.

I slowly remove my mouth from him, with great pains, and prepare for the inevitable next step. And then suddenly, I find myself, back-down, against the soft warmth of a blanket, the heat from Zell’s body, so shortly laying in this exact spot, warming me. Above me, my blond haired devil smiled, grinning.

“It didn’t seem fair you get to do all the exploring and torture me. Also, to still be fully clothed while you contemplate getting me fully naked. Oh no. You don’t get to see that yet.”

I struggle vainly against him, but he has me pinned, the illusion of dominance shattered. I go slack.

“Zell, I’ve already SEEN that. About an hour ago, swimming. Remember that? When you tried to drown me? And also check me out.”

His face twisted in thought for a moment, an image of adorable. “Oh yeah. Right. Yeah, still, you don’t get to TOUCH that until I get my fun. Tit for tat, bitch, and payback’s a bitch.”

I grin despite myself. “Zell, it’s not nice to call yourself names.”

He stares blankly for a moment above me, then mentally works out what the hell I’m talking about and glares. He grips the thin T-shirt that clings tightly to my form and yanks it, pulling it over my head and flinging it away. Now it’s his turn to stare, albeit briefly. And then, hands gripping my wrists against the blanket, he lowers his head and kisses hard, and moves his mouth in short order downwards, licking and kissing the same spot on my throat I had ravaged earlier on him. And now it was my turn to moan in ecstasy. His tongue set off nerves I didn’t know I had, each screaming pleasure into my brain. My Adam’s apple quivers and he turns his focus to that, and the bliss increases. My eyes roll back in my head and I moan his name and arch my back. With closed eyes, I neglect to see him slide down my chest. Although the feeling fails to escape my notice.

Pure heaven.

He laps first at one nipple, then the other, each hardening under his ministrations. Then his sweet tortures diverge from the ones I gave him as he slides his mouth against the sparse hairs of my underarm.

My eyes snap open and I stare down at his as he tastes the fresh sweat of the last seven minute’s action.

“I should probably be— ugh....disgusted at this but— oh goddess....it feels so fucking g—” The word is cut off by another moan and I stop talking and surrender to it. Zell removes his mouth.

“Yeah, it’s not quite as disturbing as I thought it would be, but from all that shaking, I’m thinking it
was worth it. Seeing you like that, all out of yourself, I would sell my soul for that.”

I nod slowly, recovering, and he smiles a shit-eating grin and returns his mouth to my stomach, clenched in delirium, and he runs his tongue across it, and into the shallow dip of my navel, lapping at it like a drop of dew in the desert. My eyes roll back again and I let myself go, moan and groan and scream his name and string together a sequence of expletives that wouldn’t make it into even a XXX movie. My entire body shakes and I feel Zell smile against my stomach. With hesitation, he releases me from this heavenly torment.

“Like that, eh?”

I pant something affirmative and go slack again as he releases my hands. I stare up at him, a faint and
much too rare smile gracing my lips, his face shining in a thin layer of sweat, and possibly drool, a line of wetness sliding down a cheek, across his neck, down his chest.

“So, where do we go from here...?


Spent, I collapse against him, my chest heaving, his deep breathing and my panting melding into one
overpowering sound, his chest rising and falling rhythmically beneath me. I slide off him, the slickness of sweat between us dripping, clinging. I roll over and around so that my face and his are side by side. With one last burst of energy, I kiss him softly, and then collapse beside him. Wrapped in his arms, we fall into a deep slumber, the most satisfying one since coming to this hell world, if not ever.

But even if my body is dead tired, my mind refuses to leave itself to peace, and so, I dream.

[The End of Childhood]

We sit there, across from one another, he on a chair, me on a couch in some vaguely remembered living room of somewhere long past, long forgotten. We stare at one another, an intense look that betrays our feelings. He licks his lips casually, almost subconsciously. I move to get up when a familiar form joins us.


The cocky blond saunters into the room and seats himself beside me on the couch. He looks between the two of us briefly and speaks. What he’s saying fades away, something about Guardian Forces and magic and fighting someone. I think I heard the word Hyne. Whatever it is he’s going off about, it falls away and I stare long and hard at Zell, and he stares back, occasionally flicking his glance back to Seifer. I break the stare as I get the feeling Seifer is about to ask me something. Dreams are good like that, despite not realizing that’s what this is.

“So, are you ready for it? We can’t hope to stop what comes if you’re not well prepared, you know.”

I nod half-heartedly, wishing I had paid attention. Something about some apocalypse I happen to
know nothing about.

“You can’t count on anything but yourselves in this fight. Guardians, magic, even your weapons, they won’t be there for you when you need them most. All you can put faith in is yourself, cuz at the end of the day, that’s all you have, ya know?”

I nod again, thinking to myself that Seifer spends way too much time with Raijin, he’s picking up that annoying habit of ending sentences with ‘ya know?’. Could be worse, I suppose. He could start speaking in one word sentences like Fujin. Albeit, yeah, the lady could speak normally when it counted, but pretty much she was a woman of few words. Actually, come to think of it, Seifer channelling Fujin would be a definite improvement to Seifer’s personality. I smiled at the thought.

“So yeah, now that you’re informed and everything, I gotta piss, be right back.”

And so the man rises from the couch, grey trench coat fluttering behind him as he walks out of the room. And before he even disappears from sight, Zell was up, across the room, and clutching at me, dragging me off the couch and onto the floor. His lips encapture my own and we meld mouths for tantalizing moments, knowing full well that the other blond plans to return in short order and we’ll more than likely be caught. And who knows what will happen then. The thought is in both our minds...and eyes....and yet, neither breaks the kiss, neither of us pull away. Then suddenly...

“Why should we care?” Zell pulls his mouth away from my own, gasping in another breath before speaking again. “I mean, we’re not little boys anymore. We’re not helpless, or innocent anymore. We’ve seen the end of childhood, those days are gone. We’re who we are now, not then. Our teenage years are gone, we’re adults now, in every right. We deserve this, we’re OWED this. Why should we care what anyone else thinks? All that matters is in your eyes, in your soul. You are my world, Squall. Don’t fight it, just let go.”

And with that, I return to a furious make-out session, forgetting everything, everyone, every----


I wake with a start. Dazed. Utterly confused. Something heavy, solid, distinctly not mine is draped
across my chest, an arm. Another person’s body lays pressed against my own, unfamiliar heat drifting off it in waves, steady, deep breathing on the back of my neck, lulling and terrifying at the same time.

What the hell?

I sit up, slowly, my whole body stiff and sore. Take in a few deep breaths of fresh air, try to figure out what the hell was going on.

Beside me, the sleeping form stirs. A smile breaks the boy’s face as he stretches casually and opens
his eyes.

“Mmmm, so it wasn’t a dream.” He purrs, adjusting himself and sitting up.”You look lost, Little Boy

“I—” My voice, thick from sleep, slurs. I clear my throat before trying again. “I’m fine....just...I
dunno, I guess a little lost. Strange dream.”

Zell looks over at me. “Were there hotdogs?”
I stare blankly at him, confused. I take a moment before answering him with an oh-so-intelligent
“....What?” What can I say, I’m a god of speech, remember?

“There’re always hotdogs in my dreams. Like tonight, I dreamt I was fighting Ultimecia with you ’n
Rin, and then she just randomly exploded into ash and hotdogs when I used My Final Heaven on her.” He paused before adding quickly. “Ultimecia, not Rinoa.”

I looked at him blankly, trying to decide whether to take this nutjob of a boy seriously or laugh at
him. The look on his face was too priceless though, and much too serious, by Zell’s standards, to be anything but honest.

“....You’re strange. And lemme guess, then you ate them.” I paused too. “The hotdogs, not the ash.
Or...” Another slightly more disturbed pause. “...Rinoa.”

He raised an eyebrow and then sheepishly grinned, face turning crimson. “Um....yeah.”

I stare blankly even harder then before. “Dude...that’s twisted.”

“Well, I was hungry. My Limits are draining, ya know. And i’s no use wasting perfectly good hotdogs.”

I raise an eyebrow again, seemingly a pattern in this very bizarre conversation we were having. “And
the cannibalistic underpinnings didn’t bother you?”

“....I didn’t think of it that way. I suppose if you look at it that way....” He trailed off and then

“What time ‘sit?”

He glanced out of our humble abode. “Still dark. And since when do you contract words?”

I shrug. “Hanging around you too much. I blame my lack of grammatically correct companionship.”

Zell rolls his eyes dramatically. “Uh huh.” He pauses. “Still tired?”

I contemplate it. While my sleep wasn’t quite so restful as peaceful, I didn’t want to go back to sleep.
Something about spending a moment without Zell’s amiable presence, even a dream substitute didn’t compare. I return to reality when he stares at me strangely and retort cleverly.

“After finding out you have cannibalistic tendencies...not sure.”

He sticks out his tongue, looking very much a child. “You suck.”

I look at him flatly. “This coming from the guy who imagines people exploding into random ash and

He punches me in the shoulder, fairly hard, and glares. “I don’t think I like you anymore.”

Now it was my turn to stick out my tongue and glare. He grins and just barely keeps from laughing.

“How could I hate a face like that?”

I roll my eyes, he laughs aloud.

“You’re so damned perfect, my Frostbound Prince.”

Again I roll my eyes. “Sure...”

“And so modest....” He grins and I sigh, lie back down, and roll on my side, away from him. “Hey you, no moping.”

“Sorry.” I sigh and turn back to face him. His face is a picture of concern. Then it cracks into a picture of amused.

“Damn right. You might be my Frostbound Prince, but I’m your blond Adonis, and from god to prince, be happy.” He pauses thoughtfully, thinking over his statement. “And also bow before my awesomeness, bitch.”

I stare blankly at him. “Or, you know, just bein’ happy’s good.” He nods, and I smile. How could I ever be depressive around him, ever? I turn back away from him, hiding the smile that crept back on my face. He growls at that and mopes. I turn back and his face lights up, and despite myself, mine does as well.

“So...” He swipes a stray strand of hair out of his eyes. “Whatcha wanna do...?”

I look into his eyes, a look of mischief in my eyes that catches in his own when I speak. “I’m sure we can think of something....” And proceed to cut off all future conversation as I pull him close and taste the cherry chapstick and warmth of his lips again; something I’m sure I’ll never get enough of. And then conscious thought just stopped.


OOC: Ended it with a minute before 9AM. Seems good to me. There’s a...missing scene between them exploring one another and...well, the end of that exploring. I didn’t actually write it, but if someone *cough*Rach*cough* is interested in that in-between scene, I’m sure I can be convinced to fill in the blanks. Just don’t expect too much, I don’t have much to go on. Anyway, hope everyone enjoyed, the dream sequence could have been a LOT better, and longer, but it was based on a dream I had, involving myself, my crush, and, disturbingly enough, my brother in the role played by Seifer. Luckily the dream ended before he came back into the room to see me making out with my own hot dude. Or unluckily, since the dream ended at all. Anyway, yeah, hope you enjoyed this last post of my teenagehood, my birthday present to myself, and, well, more awesome Squell goodness. Expect another post soon, since I think I’m back in the groove. ‘Bout damn time!

Oh, and for reference, the original scene, which I believe I shared MONTHS ago with some of you, involved a simple agreement between the two boys to hold off on what we did end up having until the next day, since they were both exhausted. It was much less dramatic and hot, but a bit more realistic and loving. But hey, this is my post, I get what *I* want. And yaoi goodness is my birthday present to me. Go me! ...yes, I’ll shut up now. Hope you enjoyed, tell me what you thought, how I can improve, etc. Might be jumping ahead that week next post, but being I say that at the end of every post, don’t
expect it. But fair warning, k? Much love and ice to yas all, hope this post was worth it. Expect more
soon! Later!


(time completed: 9:07AM, October 4th, 2006— two hours and fifteen minutes before the end of childhood )
Vincent sat quietly, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders, and stared out a window at the blustering snow. Nothing but silence everywhere. He would have found it eerie...if it weren't for the fact that he had spent so many years in that same dismal sound.

He felt Reno sit beside him and he blinked. "How's she doing?"

"She'll recover well enough, pretty nasty though." Vincent nodded and stood, dropping the blanket back onto the couch that he had been sitting on.

"I'll go out and see if I can find any antibiotics for her."


Vincent stopped and stared down at himself, then shrugged.

"Why not. We were trained in this kind of weather remember."

Reno sighed as he watched Vincent walk out the door, and shook his head.

((OOC: O.o I post, I post!!))
29 January 2006 @ 12:19 am
Feeling hot and sweaty Ashe gasped as she tossed in her bed. Her arms pushed the sheets off her and she rolled off the matress onto the ground.

When her back hit the ground her eyes snapped open and she cried out from the pain. She laid her head on the ground for a moment and bit her lip. She stood up and insantly felt dizzy. Her throat was completely dry. Taking in her surroundings, she remembered she was in some sort of bedroom. If there was a bedroom ...

She opened a door and stumbled into the bathroom, landing on cool tiles. Ashe found enough energy to strip and launch herself into a bath half full of warm water.

Ashe felt so horrible ... her throat was caked with what seemed like gravel, her lips were chafed and sore, her eyes were runny and her nose was blocked.

"Dis ib gate," she mumbled. She'd meant to say, "This is great," but the words wouldn't form properly. After attempting to wash her face and body, Ashe looked in the cabinets for medicine of any sorts. Her hand shook as she swallowed several headache pills with large gulps of tap water. She hoped they helped with fevers too. After settling down in bed under the numerous covers, Ashe felt more at ease, though she couldn't find any clean clothes and her old ones were somewhat wet from the snowstorm they had been in. They were also filthy and lying on the bathroom floor.

She wasn't about to move from her comfortable position considering she didn't have any clothes on and the pills were making her drowsy ...

Ashe turned her head to one side, listening as footsteps approached the room. The door opened and Reno was back with a bowl in his hands.

"You're awake then?" he asked cheerfully then looked at the bathroom which was covered in water, clothes thrown about and pill packets on the floor. After forcing half a bowl of hot soup down Ashe's throat, he finally let her rest once more.
20 January 2006 @ 02:29 pm
(OOC: Wrote this last night, but my internet connection was f'd, so here it is now. It's kinda...long... (10 pages on WordPerfect)...so...bear with me. Also includes an excerpt from one of the flashbacks I wrote awhile ago, cuz it kinda fit. Enjoy and R'n'R ;) )

---Squall's PoV---

I trudge slowly back to our humble abode, looking around me at this city forgotten in time. The decaying buildings, broken stones, cracked streets, and dead plants the only objects that meet my gaze. Wherever that bunny-woman is (being she exists in reality, that is), she stays hidden from sight. Which I suppose is a good thing. If I’m about to walk into my own death, no use of the crazy stalker being there to get it all on tape, right?

I try to laugh it off, but the seriousness of the night kills my laughter before it can break from the prison inside me. And so I continue on, slow and steady, like a sentry. Or a prisoner, being escorted to his own funeral. Crap, where are the happy thoughts now..

I sigh and press on. If I’m lucky, he’ll be asleep. Or writing in that damn journal of his. In any case, he knows me well enough not to ask annoying questions and attempt to understand the mystery that is Squall Leonhart, right?

..I should just go drown myself in the lake...

I stop about two or three blocks away, just out of sight of the overhang that we’ve dubbed home. Try to shake away all the doubts, fears and questions that keep plaguing me, but it’s no use. I mean, I’ve defeated Sorceress Adel, silenced Ultimecia in the future, and basically saved the world. What’s one little kiss between friends, right?

Except it’s not the same thing at all, is it? If it was that simple, you wouldn’t have run away. If it was that easy, you could be beside him right now, drifting off to dreamland. Or even....

I kill the thought before I give myself any more unnecessary items to ponder. It’s hard enough to deal with reality, adding possibilities and random fantasies to the mix complicates things a little too much. I can barely handle the current circumstances. Contemplating ‘what if..’s is pointless.

Well, it’s now or never. If I want the rest of my clothes...and my weapon, map and food....I need to go back. And without all of those, I might as well jump into that lake of dead things and let them eat me.

( “I dohne wanna get eated.” )

Fuck, all I need is memories now. I would kill for Shiva right now. Or Eden. Hell, any one would be fine at this point. I can’t deal with anything else. But no, let’s add some memories from a dozen or so years ago of some probably irrelevant event at the Orphanage to the mix. Cuz we all know I don’t have enough angst to deal with without adding some pointless remembrances.

/The right memory can do just as much good as it can do damage./

Thank you for that insight, inner voice. I’ll remember that the next time I’m drowning in personal problems that just keep piling up. I’m sure some kid who can’t even speak properly not wanting to get eaten is completely relevant to the situation. It’ll solve all my problems. Like magic, eh?

/Always the pessimist, aren’t we? Well, maybe if you cared to remember the event, and who that particular speech-impaired child was, you might think otherwise./

I’m su—

And it all rushed back to me, like Leviathan’s Tsunami flooding the battlefield, drowning in my memories. Of that day, all those years ago. When I searched for Sis in the only remaining spot she could /possibly/ be. The Lighthouse. With the only socially disabled child I’ve ever cared about.


[Flashback: The End of Alone
Young Squall PoV, Edea’s Orphanage and Lighthouse, thirteen years earlier]

It's quiet here. And nice. It's a little cold and wet, but I don't care. Why bother. It's not like I'm gonna be here long. I'm just gonna stay here in case I find Sis.

I've looked everywhere. In all the rooms of the Orf-ann-aj, in the woods outside, and on the beach. The only place left is the Lighthouse. I don't get why they call it a Lighthouse though, cuz it's kinda dark in here....

I don't care though. Sis has to be here, so I'll just wait till she comes and finds me. I don't mind waiting. I'll wait forever. Even until tomorrow.

The others are all outside on the beach. Seifer stole some fireworks and everyone is down there watching them. I think. I haven't heard any go off yet, but when I came in here I saw them all coming down the path to the beach. So they must be doing it now. I wanna see if they are, so I get up and go peek through the doorway. And I hear them.

"Kids aren't suppose'ta play with fireworks! I'm tell-ing!!! I'm gonna tell on yoo!!!"

Zell. And then Seifer.

Stupid Seifer.

"Cry-Ba-by-Ze-ll! Go back to bed!"

Zell was running up the beach, but then he stopped and looked my way. He saw me. Uh-oh. I ducked back into the Lighthouse and hid.

I waited. Maybe he didn't see me. Yeah, I was too fast. He didn't see me. No. Right?

"Who's in there..?"


"Go 'way Zell."

"Squall? What're yoo doin'? Don'tcha know the Lighthouse is off-limits?"

He pushed open the door and looked around until he found me in my corner. Oh no. He was gonna tell on me. I stuck out my tongue when he came closer.

"You don't even know what off-limits means."

"Yeah I do. Maitwan told me. It means yoo aren't allowed."

"So you're gonna tell on me then?"

"I dunno. I....no."

"Why not?"

"Cuz yoo aren't mean like Seifer. Yoo don't think I'm a cry-baby, right?"

He sat himself down beside me. So much for being quiet and hoping Sis would find me. Oh well. Zell was ok.

"Seifer's stupid. Don't listen to him, he just likes being mean. Matwyn told me Seifer's "Insecure in himself". I dunno what that means but I think it's bad. So don't listen to him. You aren'ta crybaby."

Zell snickered when I told him what Matwyn called Seifer. "Thanks Squall."


We sat there quiet for a couple minutes. I could hear the others setting off fireworks. Matwyn was gonna catch ‘em for sure. They were really loud and bright. Stupid Seifer. We sat quiet for a few more minutes, waiting. Then Zell talked.

"So Squall, whatcha doin' out here anyway? It's not like it’s a very nice hiding place. It's kinda cold...and wet. I think I'm sitting in a puddle...."

I grinned. Silly Zell. Leave it to him to sit in a puddle. I decided to answer him. I could trust him since he wasn't gonna tell on me.

"I'm waitin' for Sis."

"Oh." He didn't say anything for a couple seconds. "I thought she left..."

"Yeah, she did, but I'm gonna find her. I already looked all over the Orf-naj and in the tree places and on the beach, and she isn't in any of those places, so I think maybe she's here. There's no where else for her to be...I checked all the other places."

I waited. Zell nodded. "Yeah, I guess so. I mean, if you checked everywhere else then she's gotta be here, right?"

"Yeah. Hey, ya wanna go look upstairs with me? Maybe she's up there."

"I dunno Squall...it's kinda dark. And there's all those monsters outside and they live in the dark and when you can't see anything then they eat yoo. I dohne wanna get eated. Can't we wait until the morning?"

"No. Sis might be gone by then. If you wanna stay down here then fine. I'll find Sis by myself."

I got up and started walking to the stairway. The closer I got to it the darker it got. But I couldn't be scared or I'd never find Sis. I turned back to Zell.

"You coming or not?"

"I...uh...I...I dunno. I think maybe we should tell Maitwan first. Maybe she can help us look. And so that way if we get eated then Maitwan'll know what happened."

"Nevermind. I'll go myself. I asked Matwyn were Sis was and she didn't tell me. She doesn't want me to find Sis. So if you won't help me either than I'll go alone."

I started up the first step.

"Wait! I'll come. Just...if we get eated, it's all your fault. Same if we get in twouble."


I waited while he came to the stairs. His eyes were really big and it was funny. He was looking all over in case one of those monsters came and wanted to eat him. I started up more steps when he finally got there.

"Hey Squall, wait for me!"

I stopped and waited for him.

"Thanks. So, what're we lookin' for?"

"Sis, stupid."

Zell stuck out his tongue at me. "I know that, I'm not stupid. But...oh, nevermind."

I shrug and keep going, Zell beside me mum'bling to himself about monsters and getting eated. We finally got to the top of the stairs and there were lights from the stars coming in through some holes and stuff. So it wasn't totally dark it was just kinda dark. I guess. I could see a little bit in front of me but not all the way. I tried looking far by closing my eyes a bit but it didn't help. I started walking more to the middle when something fell somewhere and Zell grabbed my arm real tight.

"AH! Squall, the monsters're gonna eat us!"

"Be quiet Zell. Where's the sound come from?"

"I dunno, why?"

"Duh, it's prob'ly Sis, stupid."

Zell made a sound with his throat. A "yeah right" sound. He was still holding my arm except he wasn't hurting it like he was when he first grabbed it.

I looked more and heard something again. A sound. A "oh!" sound. Like a person when they get caught doin' something they aren't supposeta be doin’.

"Who's there?"

Zell shook his head. "The monsters can't talk, Squall. They can only eat yoo."

"Shhh, it's not a monster, it's a person. Who's there?"

I heard feet sounds a little bit away on my...right hand side. I think. Yeah, that's my right hand.

The foot movements were moving towards the stairs. I dragged Zell behind me and cut off the foot-sound maker.

"It's yoo!"

A little boy was standing there, crying. He was one'f the little kids. Not a big kid like me or Zell. He was only three. It was the kid that never talked to anyone. The one with no friends. Daevie. He never talked to the other kids at the Orf'najj. He was always in the tree places all alone. Matwyn says he's "anti-social". I dunno what that means but I think it's bad.

Zell spoke more. "What're you doin' way out here, Daevie?"

The little boy calmed down a bit more and wiped away the water on his face. "I...I heard yoo guys were gonna play with the fireworks...and I wanted to see."

Makes sense. I guess. Still. "Why didn't you go with the others then?"

More water came from Daevie's eyes. "Cuz they all don't like me. And plus yoo can see better from up here. Closer to the sky."

Oh. That's a smart idea. "You come up here a lot?"

He looked at me and then at Zell.

"We aren't gonna tell on yoo, don't worry Davey."

He calmed down more when Zell said that. "Just a few times. Damie dared-ed me to come in here a few days ago an' I did... it's dark an' scary but at least no one says mean words to me here."

Zell and I looked at him. "Who says mean words to you?"

"Seifer. An' Irvy. And sometimes Seffie and the others. No one really likes me 'cept Damie...and that just cuz I did his dare."

"It's ok."

From outside we heard screaming and yelling. Matwyn must've caught em. I knew she would. Stupid Seifer. I hope he gets in big trouble.

Daevie looked up. "We...we better go back to bed now...before Maytwon finds us not in bed."

I forgot about that. That might not be good. And we didn't find Sis here. Maybe she was sleeping. I'll come back tomorrow. If we don't get back in bed before Matwyn checks on us then we'd be gwounded. Which is worse than being eated.

"Yeah, good idea. Let's go Zell."

And together, the three of us stepped down the stairs and quietly went back into our rooms while Edea was tryin' to get everyone outside back inside. I waved goodbye to Daevie, and Zell opened the door to the big boy's bedroom and I shut it behind us. We jumped into our beds and pulled up the covers and closed our eyes real tight.

Well, I didn't find Sis yet, but maybe tomorrow. She can't be too hard to find. The Lighthouse isn't too big and there aren't any other places for her to be. Unless she fell off the world. Cuz everybody knew the only places in the world were the Orf-ann-aj, the tree places, the beach, and the Lighthouse....

I was asleep before Matwyn came to put Irvy and Seifer back in bed....

[end flashback]

Was I really that naive? Did I honestly think I could find her after she left us...me? She was gone. To Esthar, I think. Kinda like she is now...except in a more permanent sense. Sis is gone, just like Rinoa, just like Selphie and Irvine and Edea and Laguna, just like everyone else. One by one we’re dropping off. Is this the bright side of the memory? If I look hard enough, I can find anyone, regardless? Cuz that might have been possible when I was four, and Ellone was actually alive and out there. But she’s dead now, and the only place I’ll find her now is when I join her and the others in death. Is that the ‘good’ that’s supposed to come from that memory? Or is it the fact that maybe, somewhere, that kid we found in the Lighthouse that night, Devas, is still alive somewhere, happy and healthy and not stuck in this hell world where his friends are killing themselves off and isn’t currently destroying the only friendship he has left? Is that it? I’d love to say I’m a good enough person to be comforted by that thought, but I’m not. Sorry to disappoint. Like I said, nothing good comes from memories.

/Really now? Do you honestly believe that that memory just happened to return to the surface...after being buried for years and displaced but countless GFs....for no apparent reason. Think Squall. What was the relevance of it?/

Nothing, shithead. That’s the point. Just like all of my memories, it’s pointless.

/Wrong. What about your verbally crippled friend?/

What, so this is all about Zell now? Newsflash, my world doesn’t revolve around him, contrary to what you may think.

/Now now, Squall, it’s not healthy to lie to yourself. You know as well as I do, he means more to you than some random guy on the street. And that memory is more important than you give it credit./

I was getting pissed off at how this deluded voice in my head...whatever the hell it was, my inner voice, some random GF, my own insanity...thought he knew me. I began voicing my thoughts, verbalizing my inner turmoil.

“What, so I’m supposed to admit that it is important? That yes, I know why it matters, because it was the beginning of my friendship with Zell? And that later that night, when there was a thunderstorm, Zell crawled into bed with me because he was so scared that the monsters were all around us and wanted to eat him? That from the moment he agreed to keep my secret, I bonded with him in a way I never have with anyone else? And that if that means anything, I’ll fight to keep him, and make him understand. That if he deserves the love I throw on him like water on the flames, he’ll understand. Why the fuck do you think that comforts me? How the hell am I supposed to carry on, or rationalize it, if he can’t deal. If he doesn’t feel the same way?”

I pause, and take a deep breath, turning away from the dead-sea and the place I now called home.


I fall to the broken street, sobbing hard, the sadness heaving my chest, wracking the breath from my lungs, the tears falling drop by drop, puddling on the cracked stone. I was sprawled out, on hands and knees, sobbing and gasping for breath.

“I can’t...I can’t live without him. Why don’t you understand that. You think you know me, but you don’t. You can’t pick up the pieces of your life when there’s nothing left of it. I’ve fallen so hard for him that I can’t even remember a time when I didn’t care about him. I’m so obsessed with him that I’d rather die than live without him. Do you have ANY fucking idea how much that SCARES me?! Not just finally fucking admitting it, no, but the fact that’s it’s been there all along, just beneath the surface. I’ve been in love with him since I was four, and even if all my memories are stripped from me, and I’m left with nothing, I’ll still love him. Because with him I’m NEVER alone. He gives me the security I need so survive, the strength and stability I need here more than ANYWHERE else. And I probably just ruined the only friendship I had because I couldn’t control my feelings for him. I could have had him beside me forever...or as long as that lasts...as a friend, but no, glutton that I am, I wanted more. And now, I’ve just ruined it. HE FUCKING HATES ME and it’s ALL my fault. Because I love him and can’t live some stupid lie. I’d rather have all of him, and now I have nothing. So much for the end of fucking alone. So much for my fucking life.”

Another fierce sob wracks my body, and more tears drip softly on the shattered street.

“I’d give up everything for him: my life, my sanity, every good memory I have, just to be with him, be real. Not to live in some half-assed reality as friends or some fantasy world where we might be more than that, but it doesn’t matter cuz nothing’s real there. He is the ONLY one I’ve ever loved, the only one who’s ever shown me I’m not alone. And now it’s over. Because I’m too fucking selfish and asked for more. I— ”

Another sob, and the tears continue to fall.

“I never fucking deserved him. All I deserved was my loneliness. My own private hell. But instead I deluded myself into thinking I deserved more.”

“You do.”

My throat closes up and my breath catches once again. I slowly straighten up and turn. Sure enough, there stands Zell, carrying my jacket in his hand, bangs fallen across his forehead in an almost unnatural way.

“I heard you screaming, thought you might be in trouble or something. Didn’t know who you could be yelling at, though my guess now is yourself. You’re wrong, you know. You do deserve happiness. You’re not alone. You never have been. Don’t ruin your own life by giving up on something before you’ve even tried. You said you’d die for me, and yet, seems to me you’ve given up on me before even seeing my reaction. It’s disappointing. You say you care, that you’d sacrifice everything, and yet, you’re giving up before you even know how I feel? You’ll always be alone if you never take a risk. Destroying your future before it even happens.”

“Zell, I’m so—”

“Don’t. Don’t tell me you’re sorry, that you didn’t mean to kiss me, that you didn’t mean anything you just said, to forget it ever happened. DON’T. Because it DID happen, Squall. Don’t you DARE say it was a mistake, because if being alone is what would kill you, knowing that everything I’ve ever wanted was just some mistake, some drunken or deluded misunderstanding....no. It’s hard enough wondering what could have happened if you hadn’t left. We could be asleep in one another’s arms right now. But we aren’t, because you freaked yourself out. You didn’t even wait for me to kiss back. But I can still taste you on my lips. Melting ice and mint chapstick. And no matter what I do, that taste won’t go away. You’re not alone Squall. Stop running away, for once. Let yourself be happy. I’m not going anywhere.”

He sinks to his knees beside me, dropping the jacket in his hands, and takes me into his arms, hugging me tightly, like he did that first night, all those years ago, when the lightning crashed around us.

“You’re not alone. I promise.”

A final tear slips down my cheek, and I wrap my arms around him in a possessive embrace. I’ve waited so long for this moment, and now it’s here. He tightens his grip and lets out his own sob, before punching me in the shoulder.

“Don’t you EVER do that again. How could you fuckin’ think I wouldn’t care about you? I couldn’t be more obvious unless I MOLESTED you.”

“Well, you always did have an affinity for my crotch....”

He laughs and stands up, pulling away briefly before helping me to my feet, beaming and face aglow, a fire in his eyes. He grabs my jacket and throws it at me, before turning, facing our humble abode on the horizon.

“Seems we have some catching up to do. Race ya home!”

And with that, he bolts down the street, screaming like a banshee and skipping and jumping as he goes, almost floating above the broken street. I grin and follow him, feeling lighter than I have in days, if not years.

/That was easy, no?/

“Shut up.”

OOC: Wow...didn’t go at all like I planned. Turned out MUCH better, I think. As soon as I wrote “jumping into the lake of dead things and getting eaten”, I knew I’d have to use that quote (it’s so cute ;) ), and then made the decision to include the whole frikken flashback. Devas/Daevie’s inclusion in it is irrelevant..it mainly was just a completely kawaii way to give a lil background and..I dunno, further the story. Nice and long now, isn’t it? Ten pages in WordPerfect. I’m quite impressed. Hope it was ok. Next up, I /might/ do the scene after they return (yaoi, anyone?), but it depends on opinion on it. If not, I’ll just skip about a week, so I’ll be about parallel in time with Shiva and Yunalesca dying. And then (finally) go about Zell’s demise and Squall meeting with Fran (wow, I think it can honestly be said that I’ve had the longest dibs on an NPC without actually naming/officially using her ever o_OU). Anyway, hope you enjoyed, that you are all somewhat satisfied (I quite enjoyed it, actually. Writing it to “Passion” [the KH2 theme] helped. Much fun.), and look forward to another post decently soon, maybe. With Crimson Tears down (and the possibility of all my posts there lost :( ), it leaves me with less places to troll. Anyway, PLEASE tell me what you think, if you’re reading, and expect more soonish! Enjoy!

03 January 2006 @ 10:20 am
Ashe was brought to rudely, by feeling her head hit a pillow. She flailed her arms for a moment, catching a cheek.

"Hey," said Reno softly. "Don't do that."

Opening her eyes, the young woman on the bed suddenly sat up, banging her forehead on his chin. She felt completely disorientated. "Sorry," she squeaked, going under the covers so only her eyes and above were visable.

"What's wrong?" asked Reno, pulling the covers back.

"I feel sick," said Ashe hoarsely. She touched her nose and realised it was swollen and her eyes were puffy.

"Looks like you can't cope with the snow," chuckled Reno and ruffled her hair a little, then smoothed it back, looking into her eyes.

"I didn't have snow in my country," she whispered. Suddenly Ashe asked, "You and Vincent were lovers, right?"

"Yes," Reno confirmed. "Why bring this up now?"

"I mean, wouldn't you two be so much happier together?" babbled Ashe with a false smile on her face. "You could make him really happy and stuff, all I ever do is get him into trouble - I can't believe I left my swords behind! - and sometimes I don't think we're right for eachother, and -"

Reno watched her quietly, thinking. Had he ever asked those sorts of questions about his relationships? No, he'd just gone ahead and done what he'd wanted. Suddenly, Reno felt selfish.

"Shush," he said the redheaded man and drew Ashe into a large, warm embrace. Then he said, "It still seems as though I have feelings for Vincent, right?"

"Well -" Ashe began then he felt her nod.

Reno continued, "I just like flirting. That's all. I keep you and him on your toes. I'm so happy that Vincent and you are together, somewhat, because Vincent is lonely a lot though he won't admit it or sometimes even realise it. You and Vincent are -" he suddenly choked on his tears. It was hurting him to say this, but he liked Vincent, and he liked Ashe, so he really shouldn't have a problem with them being together.

The mature side of Ashe took over and she put a kiss on Reno's forehead. "There," she said in a higher voice than her normal one. "I don't mind if you ..."

Only then did Ashe realise how close they were. They had their arms around each other, were almost face to face, with just an inch or so of air between them. She blinked at him through wide eyes and noticed his breathing was ragged. Alarmed, she asked, "What's wrong, Reno?"

There were tears dripping down onto his cheeks and Ashe felt a huge surge of empathy towards him. She patted his left cheek and tried to smile at him. Reno's arms tightened around her and he sniffed, burying his head in her shoulders. Some sort of maternal instinct took Ashe over and she patted his hair, although she didn't quite know what was wrong with him. Anyway, where was Vincent? Reno suddenly lifted his head and stared at her, then -

Their lips met, somewhat lightly at first, then Reno kissed her harder.

Gasping, Ashe broke off and fell off the bed, onto her butt. "Reno!" she screamed.

With a small chuckle, Reno helped her to her feet. "Now I know why Vincent likes you," he said with a wicked grin. "You have such an irresistable mouth!"

Ashe went very red and commented, "Don't do that again!"

"Oh, should I ask the next time?"

"Well it's nice to see your good mood is restored! What if Vincent had seen that, huh? What on earth would I have said?"

Reno winked lustily at her and said, "You could say we're having a heated love affair and he should talk to us when we're less horny."

Ashe coughed and turned even redder, if that was possible. "Don't be silly," she snapped. "Reno, go charm some other ladies."

"Or men," smiled Reno.

Ashe grinned. "Get out of here and I don't want you to come back until you have some warm drinks and food for me."

Reno saluted her and pushed her back into the bed again, promising her something to soothe her throat and get rid of her headache. He returned shortly and gave her some cough medicine left in the inn, pulled the curtains to dim the light from outside, blew out several candles then tucked her in.

"Don't I get a story?" asked Ashe, eyelids dropping.

"Ok," said Reno with a small smile and sat down on the bed. "Once upon a time there was a princess who caught the attention of a man who had been alone almost all his life ..."

Ashe didn't catch the last words, as she fell into a dreamless slumber.
28 December 2005 @ 11:45 pm

It was obvious now. The mass of red fabric and wet, muddy hair on the ground was Freya. This was her moogle plushie.


“Why do I always bump into you, I’m always running from you, and you keep catching up with me. Strange huh? Guess I’m just not fast enough,” giggled Beatrix.


She knelt down and gently stroked Freya’s head. She giggled uncontrollably.


“I thought it would be me that killed you in the end, but look whos face down in the mud now. Unable to breathe, mucky as fuck and so…so helpless! Its laughable, but so fucking true!”


Beatrix’s eyes flickered, an evil expression swept across her face. She clenched her fists and began to batter Freya’s body.


She screamed. “If I can do anything with my mind now…WAKE UP AND GIVE ME A REMATCH! I wanted to finish you off, for all the shit you put me through! Damn you Freya, be alive, just for…for…”, her voice trailed off and she stopped thrashing out. It dawned on her…someone had killed Freya, and left her body lying here. Someone had done the job for her, saved her the effort. That someone could still be around.


The world seemed to close in around her. Beatrix was scared, for the first time in her life, she was scared. In the past, she had always been the one watching, waiting to strike. Now though, Beatrix was being watched, someone was waiting to strike on her.


The night was closing in once again. Beatrix wasn’t fit for this. She was mental, she couldn’t think straight, her mind was playing trick after trick on her. This was real though, and she was in no state to be like this.


“Stay focused…stay clear Beatrix, alert…alert, watching for them.”


She had just made a big mistake. She was doing exactly what her mind wanted. She was expecting someone to be there, and that’s exactly what her mind was gonna do to her.


A body walked through the shadows. Tall, a strange shape.


“Shit! I’m outta here, they can chase me if they want to, but I’ll be halfway down the river!”


Beatrix shot off, running wildly through the trees, screaming and flailing her arms. She kept looking behind her, seeing the body chasing her, catching up with her.


The river was just ahead of her. “Do it, go drown yourself Beatrix! Anything to end this!”


She lept into the surging river. It pulled her under, then threw her up, continuously deciding whether to drown her or let her catch air. This wasn’t what Beatrix planned. She now had a huge struggle ahead of her…


If only she had told herself, ‘theres nobody there’…